I have had some great experiences lately of prayer and service, and I find myself looking forward to living out my possible Vocation as Priest of God! It seems like the most exciting way to live. But not only most exciting, most purposeful, most peaceful, most fulfilling. I know my vision is skewed right now, and I have not been thinking about the glories of the married life, which I'm sure is very much of all these things. But the priesthood -
I will get to spend every day of my life serving others. I will get to help bring countless people closer to Christ every single day. How can one live with regrets considering those things alone. I was very pleasantly surprised to experience this excitement at this point in seminary. I am just starting to get used to the routine of it all, and not more than two weeks ago I was in a gloom after realizing that I had only lived three weeks of the routine I will be in for many years to come. And yet I realize that the battle for souls is never-ending. On the most most boring, routine days, the battle is being fought, and I am daily given the choice to fight on the front lines or mope about the relentlessnes of it all. As long as I continue to choose to fight, life is never boring, and in fact it is more exciting than I can imagine any other vocation being on a daily basis.
After considering all this, I have a hard time understanding why anyone would not want this!? Young men need to be made aware of how exciting this life is. It is so fulfilling - living such a genuine life, not caring about how much cash I have on me or whether or not I have the right pair of jeans to make the ladies drool. I used to be worried about these things, but afte a while, they change you from what you are in your most genuine state, from how God made you to be.
My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord - Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
A Last Fall Before Fall
Sorry about the wait, but this story is worth it! This past weekend was a real adventure - I ended up with 3 staples in my head, and a slightly meaker spirit...
It happened on Saturday when I went disc golfing with my friends J.T., Matt, and Fr. Beerman. This is not just any old disc golf course - it is deep in the bluffs of MN. It has a small river running through it, and is covered in thick forest, steep hills, and as of late, mud. We decided to get in 9 holes before Adoration, but didn't make it past four. As we approached the fourth hole, we warned Fr. Beerman that there is a steep drop off on the right side of the hole that is to be avoided. But Fr. Beerman is left-handed, and if you know anything about disc golf, you can see why it was hard for him to avoid throwing it right - it is after all a very tight hole.
So I decide to go get his disc. It isn't a big deal - I've seen others go down there before, and I'm pretty experienced at off-roading it in forest preserves. However, the dirt was much drier than usual making it more slippery, and I was not as careful as I could have been, and I soon found myself loosing control. So I try grabbing a branch and missed it, but my other hand grabs a tree to my left. But as the tree turns me around, my hand slips off and I'm suddenly falling down this drop backwards - I am told I tripped over a log and smashed my head into a tree. I lost consciousness for an instant, but as I finish my tumble, I am back, and I stand up quickly to make it look like a minor slip in my quest for the disc. But after gaining my balance, I reach for the back of my head to massage the pain away - I find it to be wet. I then look at my hand and realize I'm bleeding from the back of my head.
To make a long story short, I walked to the road with the aid of J.T. and Matt, Fr. Beerman ran back to the seminary to grab his car and a cold rag, and we raced to the emergency room with J.T. in the back seat. It proved to be less than 10 minutes away and less than an hour and a half later, I was on my way home with 3 staples in my head.
It was crazy, but I am fine. The staples will be out in about a week, and the cuts on my arm, leg, ear, and head should be undetectable in a month or so.
It happened on Saturday when I went disc golfing with my friends J.T., Matt, and Fr. Beerman. This is not just any old disc golf course - it is deep in the bluffs of MN. It has a small river running through it, and is covered in thick forest, steep hills, and as of late, mud. We decided to get in 9 holes before Adoration, but didn't make it past four. As we approached the fourth hole, we warned Fr. Beerman that there is a steep drop off on the right side of the hole that is to be avoided. But Fr. Beerman is left-handed, and if you know anything about disc golf, you can see why it was hard for him to avoid throwing it right - it is after all a very tight hole.
So I decide to go get his disc. It isn't a big deal - I've seen others go down there before, and I'm pretty experienced at off-roading it in forest preserves. However, the dirt was much drier than usual making it more slippery, and I was not as careful as I could have been, and I soon found myself loosing control. So I try grabbing a branch and missed it, but my other hand grabs a tree to my left. But as the tree turns me around, my hand slips off and I'm suddenly falling down this drop backwards - I am told I tripped over a log and smashed my head into a tree. I lost consciousness for an instant, but as I finish my tumble, I am back, and I stand up quickly to make it look like a minor slip in my quest for the disc. But after gaining my balance, I reach for the back of my head to massage the pain away - I find it to be wet. I then look at my hand and realize I'm bleeding from the back of my head.
To make a long story short, I walked to the road with the aid of J.T. and Matt, Fr. Beerman ran back to the seminary to grab his car and a cold rag, and we raced to the emergency room with J.T. in the back seat. It proved to be less than 10 minutes away and less than an hour and a half later, I was on my way home with 3 staples in my head.
It was crazy, but I am fine. The staples will be out in about a week, and the cuts on my arm, leg, ear, and head should be undetectable in a month or so.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Seminary Life
So, I realize with words like 'Death' and 'Suffering' in the titles of my most recent entries, you may think I am not having a good time here. On the contrary, this place is great, and I feel certain this is really where God wants me right now. Let me tell you a little bit about it:
Every morning during the week, I get up at 6:00 for 6:45 Mass. Though it is sometimes a challenge to get up this early, it is such a priveledge to be able to start every day off with Mass. Plus, everyone has to do it, so that makes it easier, and we have a beautiful chapel that is one floor below my room in this building! We are expected to pray morning and night prayer, both of which take 15-20 minutes. We pray one of these as a community each day. I also pray night prayer, which is a little shorter, and a fantastic way to end the day. My brothers and I are good about keeping each other accountable, and I often pray night prayer and rosaries with a few guys.
We all have a normal college load of classes. I'm taking 16 hours, which includes a couple philosophy classes, a theology class, a litterature class, and Latin. I pretty much enjoy all of these - my favorites are theology, and Latin (believe it or not!) Most of my classes are primarily seminarians, but none of them are only seminarians. It is nice living with 5-10 guys in each of your classes for study purposes.
Also, we are very encouraged to stay physically active, and almost everyone here is in shape and athletic. We eat well, eating dinner as a community in the seminary almost every day. There is a choir, or schola as it is called, and I have gotten many chances to use my musical talents. It is a very rich lifestyle.
"Help me, Lord Jesus, to persevere in my good resolutions and in Your holy service till death. Help me to begin this day well, for up to now I have done nothing."
-A suggested morning prayer from 'The Imitation of Christ'.
Every morning during the week, I get up at 6:00 for 6:45 Mass. Though it is sometimes a challenge to get up this early, it is such a priveledge to be able to start every day off with Mass. Plus, everyone has to do it, so that makes it easier, and we have a beautiful chapel that is one floor below my room in this building! We are expected to pray morning and night prayer, both of which take 15-20 minutes. We pray one of these as a community each day. I also pray night prayer, which is a little shorter, and a fantastic way to end the day. My brothers and I are good about keeping each other accountable, and I often pray night prayer and rosaries with a few guys.
We all have a normal college load of classes. I'm taking 16 hours, which includes a couple philosophy classes, a theology class, a litterature class, and Latin. I pretty much enjoy all of these - my favorites are theology, and Latin (believe it or not!) Most of my classes are primarily seminarians, but none of them are only seminarians. It is nice living with 5-10 guys in each of your classes for study purposes.
Also, we are very encouraged to stay physically active, and almost everyone here is in shape and athletic. We eat well, eating dinner as a community in the seminary almost every day. There is a choir, or schola as it is called, and I have gotten many chances to use my musical talents. It is a very rich lifestyle.
"Help me, Lord Jesus, to persevere in my good resolutions and in Your holy service till death. Help me to begin this day well, for up to now I have done nothing."
-A suggested morning prayer from 'The Imitation of Christ'.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Death and Grace
This is a sort of meditation I wrote about a week ago that I hope you find useful. It is followed by some further insight I received from my new spiritual director, Fr. Wechter, this evening which really connects the meditation with my previous entry on suffering.
God asks us to die to ourselves - our own desires so that we may follow his will. Usually his will is something we would like to do, but we do not always realize it when he asks us. Sometimes the dying process is not altogether pleasant. Sometimes the things we need to die to are very good things; things good in the eyes of God, just not things God wants us to do right now. Often when we are in this process there is a temptation to replace the old with new. But that is not dying - it is stalling. When we are asked to die, we must act - first by asking God for help. We must decrease so that He can increase.
Something I have found challenging is the desire to do all things - to be on the frontline - a multitasker for God. But he has asked me to form myself. He has asked me to patiently grow closer to him forming my heart, and to apply myself to my studies, forming my intellect. While I know this is what he wants, it is sometimes frustrating, because I don't feel like I'm really doing anything at all. Though I understand that the experiences of praying in the chapel, and getting up at 6:00 am every day for mass, and studying philosophy are all important experiences, they don't feel important compared to evangelization and missionary work. This is of course where prayer and dying to myself comes in.
A great thing pointed out to me this afternoon was that one of the ways we can earn graces is by doing just what I've described - dying to your own will and living as God asks us. This essentially is what merits grace - cooperating with the grace already given us. And by living the will God has for us, we have a significant impact on the entire body of Christ. Knowing that my dying will benefit the entire Church as well as myself gives me a new motivation to persevere.
St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us!
God asks us to die to ourselves - our own desires so that we may follow his will. Usually his will is something we would like to do, but we do not always realize it when he asks us. Sometimes the dying process is not altogether pleasant. Sometimes the things we need to die to are very good things; things good in the eyes of God, just not things God wants us to do right now. Often when we are in this process there is a temptation to replace the old with new. But that is not dying - it is stalling. When we are asked to die, we must act - first by asking God for help. We must decrease so that He can increase.
Something I have found challenging is the desire to do all things - to be on the frontline - a multitasker for God. But he has asked me to form myself. He has asked me to patiently grow closer to him forming my heart, and to apply myself to my studies, forming my intellect. While I know this is what he wants, it is sometimes frustrating, because I don't feel like I'm really doing anything at all. Though I understand that the experiences of praying in the chapel, and getting up at 6:00 am every day for mass, and studying philosophy are all important experiences, they don't feel important compared to evangelization and missionary work. This is of course where prayer and dying to myself comes in.
A great thing pointed out to me this afternoon was that one of the ways we can earn graces is by doing just what I've described - dying to your own will and living as God asks us. This essentially is what merits grace - cooperating with the grace already given us. And by living the will God has for us, we have a significant impact on the entire body of Christ. Knowing that my dying will benefit the entire Church as well as myself gives me a new motivation to persevere.
St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Suffering?!
For a long time, I have tried to understand suffering. The phrase 'offer it up' - what does it mean and why is it necessary. I am in a class called Mystery of Salvation that attempts to go through all the foundational ideas of Catholocism by going through most of the Catchecism and select areas of the Bible. Today we talked about prayer in the midst of which suffering came up. I finally have an understanding of the theology of it.
Paul writes to the Colossians in 1:24 "Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the Church."
I've read this before, wondering what it meant. Didn't Christ do all for us when he suffered and died on the cross? What is lacking in Christ's affliction, and how can I do anything about it? The answer is that he did do everything for us, saving us from our sins, by subjecting his body to the suffering we deserved. However, we are part of Christ's body! Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:27 "Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it." He chose to allow us, Christ's mystical body, to share in his suffering. And this, of course, is a great blessing; it is through this suffering that we are further sanctified. We not only grow in virtue by way of practice, (mortification) but in holiness by way of grace poured out by our Heavenly Father!
This explains how 'wheat' works, why we do penance after reconciliation, as well as how the deceased members of the body in purgatory benfit from our offerings of sacrifice. This is what it means to 'offer it up'. This is why Mary told the children of Fatima that many people were going to Hell who could be saved by graces attainable by personal penance.
I cut this entry short for the sake of your time - some theological questions are still in the air, and if you want the rest of it, just email me and I'd be happy to fill you in!
St. Sebastian, pray for us!
Paul writes to the Colossians in 1:24 "Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the Church."
I've read this before, wondering what it meant. Didn't Christ do all for us when he suffered and died on the cross? What is lacking in Christ's affliction, and how can I do anything about it? The answer is that he did do everything for us, saving us from our sins, by subjecting his body to the suffering we deserved. However, we are part of Christ's body! Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:27 "Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it." He chose to allow us, Christ's mystical body, to share in his suffering. And this, of course, is a great blessing; it is through this suffering that we are further sanctified. We not only grow in virtue by way of practice, (mortification) but in holiness by way of grace poured out by our Heavenly Father!
This explains how 'wheat' works, why we do penance after reconciliation, as well as how the deceased members of the body in purgatory benfit from our offerings of sacrifice. This is what it means to 'offer it up'. This is why Mary told the children of Fatima that many people were going to Hell who could be saved by graces attainable by personal penance.
I cut this entry short for the sake of your time - some theological questions are still in the air, and if you want the rest of it, just email me and I'd be happy to fill you in!
St. Sebastian, pray for us!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Power Hour and Daughters of St. Paul
I just got back from Power Hour, which is a praise and worship group that practices every Friday and praises every Monday at 9:15 in the St. Thomas Moore chapel on campus. It is fun and reminds me of the days I spent at ISU - really good group of musicians.
Anyway...
I thought it might be a good idea to explain why I feel I may be called to blog about the seminary. I have actually been thinking about keeping an online journal of some sort for a while, but realized I probably wouldn't keep it up. Every journal I've ever started has only lasted a couple weeks. But this past weekend made me re-think this.
A few of my brother seminarians and I met the Daughters of St. Paul, or the Pauline Sisters, this past summer. They run a fantastic Catholic book store on the corner of Michigan and Randolph. This past weekend was a free weekend, and we made arrangements to share a meal with them on Saturday night. We stayed at the St. Joseph seminary and took the El to their store/house and back.
Over dinner and after, something that kept coming up in conversation was the value of technology in spreading the Gospel. After all, their Apostolate involves evangelization through modern technology and media. How cool is that (anyone discerning should seriously check them out!) Sister Anne was saying how she uses twitter, blogs, and U-Tube to reach others (This is the address of her blog: http://romans8v29.blogspot.com). She also told us about how effective it has been. This made me reconsider technology and blogging in particular.
I find that as I got more into my faith, I got less into technology. Though this may be the way God is actually trying to lead me, I feel like it has been more reccently due to fear and apprehension. God doesn't drive you away in fear - he pulls you toward in love, as a wise friend once told me. So here I am, writing a blog. I hope it bears fruit!
St. Robert Bellarmine, Pray for us!
Anyway...
I thought it might be a good idea to explain why I feel I may be called to blog about the seminary. I have actually been thinking about keeping an online journal of some sort for a while, but realized I probably wouldn't keep it up. Every journal I've ever started has only lasted a couple weeks. But this past weekend made me re-think this.
A few of my brother seminarians and I met the Daughters of St. Paul, or the Pauline Sisters, this past summer. They run a fantastic Catholic book store on the corner of Michigan and Randolph. This past weekend was a free weekend, and we made arrangements to share a meal with them on Saturday night. We stayed at the St. Joseph seminary and took the El to their store/house and back.
Over dinner and after, something that kept coming up in conversation was the value of technology in spreading the Gospel. After all, their Apostolate involves evangelization through modern technology and media. How cool is that (anyone discerning should seriously check them out!) Sister Anne was saying how she uses twitter, blogs, and U-Tube to reach others (This is the address of her blog: http://romans8v29.blogspot.com). She also told us about how effective it has been. This made me reconsider technology and blogging in particular.
I find that as I got more into my faith, I got less into technology. Though this may be the way God is actually trying to lead me, I feel like it has been more reccently due to fear and apprehension. God doesn't drive you away in fear - he pulls you toward in love, as a wise friend once told me. So here I am, writing a blog. I hope it bears fruit!
St. Robert Bellarmine, Pray for us!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
The Beginning
This is the beginning of my blogging career. Part of me is not very excited about doing this, because I don't like feeling attached to my computer. But I think being disciplined in this manner and posting every night will be a good way of dying to myself and my own desires, and can be very useful to many who come across it. I feel like God has led me to this, and later I will explain how. First, I want to put up a disclaimer:
"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."
-Mother Teresa
I put that up for you and for me. I want to be 'honest and frank' in this blog. Part of me is afraid of putting up something only for the purpose of making myself look better, or of not putting something up because of being self-consious about my faith. You may think I am doing something with ulterior motives. I put up the disclaimer, one of my favorite quotes, to try to keep both of us honest and unsuspecting.
I hope this turns out to be a good thing for both of us (and yes, I will probably refer to you, the many readers, simply as 'you').
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!
"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."
-Mother Teresa
I put that up for you and for me. I want to be 'honest and frank' in this blog. Part of me is afraid of putting up something only for the purpose of making myself look better, or of not putting something up because of being self-consious about my faith. You may think I am doing something with ulterior motives. I put up the disclaimer, one of my favorite quotes, to try to keep both of us honest and unsuspecting.
I hope this turns out to be a good thing for both of us (and yes, I will probably refer to you, the many readers, simply as 'you').
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!
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