He's Got Our Backs

This is the story of my struggle with back pain:

About two years ago my neck started too hurt very consistently. The cause is uncertain, but I have been attributing it to that semester's intense practice schedule in preparation for my 200-level music exam, combined with the various others stresses in my life that semester. My neck hurt, and then the pain started spreading to my upper back. I went to the chiropractor that summer, but the sessions had little to no long-term effect. I've struggled with this pain for over two years now. I've seen chiropractors on and off, and the pain has been so bad at times I have wanted to do nothing but go to sleep.

The past four months I've been lifting weights on a consistent basis with the goal of strengthening my whole body, but especially my upper back and shoulders. I also just started going to a new chiropractor about 6 weeks ago. I thought all this work was in vain, until just the last few days. I've realized a change, and I have also realized what a gift from God this pain has been.

I've been told that God often allows us to experience suffering in different forms in order to bring a good out of it. I have been telling myself this and trying to believe my back pain is some sort of gift, but it is hard. Especially when the pain has been the worst, I have been prone to great frustration with God.

Just a few days ago I started trying very hard to sit and stand with good posture at all times. I have tried this before, but because my upper back and shoulder muscles have been too weak, I have tired out quickly and given up. But I have been able to do this most of the day for the past few days. It is paying off big time. My back is now able to heal because my vertebrae are not constantly being squished.

I believe God allowed this to go on for so long for a few reasons. First of all, it made it a little easier to leave ISU and my music major. My back hurt very much every time I practiced because of this problem, and I loved everything about playing music except this one thing. Perhaps if I did not have the pain it would have been too hard for me to leave ISU for the seminary. Also, I have learned a great lesson from it recently. I often get tired of constantly trying to follow God and to strive for holiness and virtue ALL THE TIME. But by my persevering everyday through the constant discomfort of sitting up straight all day, I have been learning a lesson physically which I can adapt to my spiritual life. I believe it is God saying, "This is effective for your physical health, and I need you to do this for your spiritual health." He taught me this lesson just when I needed to hear it.

God loves us, and he always has our best interest in mind - even when it doesn't seem that way!

St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us!